


Heartbeats and Melodies

by esompthin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Sabriel - Freeform, Soulmates, follows the spn storyline a bit, heartbeats au, is that a thing?, now it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 06:06:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4865861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esompthin/pseuds/esompthin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU, in which everyone can hear their soulmate's heartbeats. So why does Sam and Dean hear music?<br/>Destiel and Sabriel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartbeats and Melodies

Dean Winchester has never heard a heartbeat.

Well, that's not entirely true. He's heard a heartbeat in the same way anyone might happen upon it: through sound effects in movies, or resting his head against someone's chest, or even, on occasion, the rhythmic thumping of his own pulse.

But Dean has never heard a heartbeat when it matters.

When he was young, he was sitting at the dinner table with his parents. His baby brother was asleep in his crib in the other room. Mary and John were talking happily to each other as Dean poked his mashed potatoes with a spoon.

He suddenly dropped the utensil in surprise; it fell against his plate, causing a loud clinking noise. His hands flew up to his head, his fingers gripped his ears.

The noise. The noise he always had playing in the back of his mind softly; it swooped unnaturally, getting loud and then falling back to near silent.

"Sweetie, what is it?" Mary asked in concern. John was getting up from his chair to move near Dean. "Are you okay?"

Dean looked up from his plate, his eyes wide, "It… it changed. The noise… It got real loud."

Recognition flashed in his parents' eyes. They smiled softly at him, relaxing. John rested his hand against Dean's back, massaging him gently. "That's normal." He said. "It means something's happened to your girlfriend. She's excited."

"I don't have a girlfriend!" Dean sounded almost panicked. Girls have cooties! If his friends knew about this… girl that he heard in his head, they would avoid him for forever!

"Not yet." John said, moving to sit back down. "But that sound in your head says you will."

"What is it?" Dean asked, looking to his parents for answers, "How do I get rid of it?"

Mary laughed, "You don't get rid of it. It stays with you forever." She looked at John as she said softly, "It's your soul mate's heartbeat."

Dean thought for a moment. If he really concentrated, he'd be able to listen to the sound. He couldn't hear it with his ears, but with his soul. The noise, which sounded nothing like a beating heart, filled him. He listened to it rise and dip with emotion. He heard its pace quicken and slow. It didn't sound like a heartbeat. It sounded like… like music. Like some kind of angelic symphony; soft and sweet. It was always floating in the back of his mind, for as long as he could remember.

As his parents continued to talk to each other –"Do you remember when we first met?" and, "Your heart was beating so loud. I swear I got a headache!"- Dean decided he wouldn't tell his parents that this girl he was sync'd with probably had a heart murmur.

* * *

John told him one drunk night what if felt like to be alone. He told Dean that he couldn't hear Mary's heart anymore. He told Dean that the silence was deafening. He told Dean that his world is over and he wouldn't stop until the demon that muted his mind would be screaming for mercy.

Dean was just a kid when he realized that the song in the back of his mind might one day end. He didn't know if he was okay with that or not. He'd never heard silence before.

* * *

John was out on a hunt one day, leaving Sam and Dean alone in some crappy motel room. Sam was humming to himself as he read a book. He had been humming all day, the same repetitive tune over and over.

Eventually, Dean snapped at him, "Dude. Shut up."

"Not until the song ends." Sam replied, without looking up.

Dean frowned, the radio wasn't on. Neither was the TV. Apart from the soft buzz from the AC, the room was silent. "What song?"

Sam looked at him like he was insane. "The one that's always playing. Everywhere we go, it's always on." He sat up straighter, a small smile on his face, "It's playing right now."

Dean could hear his own song, of course. It was slow and smooth, as usual. He licked his lips and said, "There's not a song playing right now. Not one that I can hear." He's lying; but he doesn't want to admit to his brother that he's different. He's realized that no one else hears what he hears. They all hear a heartbeat; their soul mate.

"Oh." Sam looked confused for a second before he shrugged and went back to reading. Dean slowly went back to cleaning his gun, his mind swimming with thoughts about his brother's song. After a few moments of silence, Sam started to hum the melody again. His melody is fast paced and up-beat. The one Dean hears is slow and sensual. Dean doesn't know what to say about this. He decides to start with the basics.

"Sammy, do you know about the heartbeats?"

Sam rolled his eyes, "Yes, Dean. Everyone has two heartbeats: one that's theirs, and one that's their husband or wife's."

"Soul mate's." Dean corrected. "Not the same."

Sam paused for a moment, and then he asked quietly, almost scared to know the answer, "When did you start to hear your heartbeat?"

Dean knows that look. It's the look of that uncontrollable, unsilenceable, nagging feeling that something about you is off. That you're different and you know it and nothing you can do will ever change that. It's the look of fear that Dean has seen on himself in the reflection of the mirror. It's the look that Dean hides from his brother and father. Dean hesitated, thinking of what to do, "I, um, it's… supposed to always be there, in the back of your mind. You're supposed to always hear it."

"Dean there's only one heartbeat in my head and it's my own." Sam said, his voice full of worry, "Am I never going to find my soul mate?"

The thought had crossed Dean's mind once or twice. He never cared to answer it though. He always figured he'd be alone. After all, as a hunter, you don't really get time to go on a date with your lady. And he'd never drag someone into his shitty life anyway.

But the idea of being alone seemed to genuinely scare Sam. His eyes were wide and his fingers dug into the fabric of the blanket. Dean shook his head slowly, "I'm sure you will, Sammy. They probably are laughing about how worried your heart sounds right now."

Sam didn't like that answer. The kid stared down at his empty hands, frowning into them. His eyes grew dark as he whispered harshly, "I hate this song."

"Me too, bud. Me too."

* * *

Dean thinks its complete and total horse shit that the government forces everyone to go to school. Spending weeks at a time, wasting time, in some no-name pointless school just makes Dean mad.

The only times he can get a break in a place like this is when he can feel up the hottest girl on the cheerleading team.

Dean had convinced Sarah –or Sidney?- to skip class and spend some "quality time" with him in the basketball locker room. After a while, Sarah/Sidney said quietly, almost hesitantly, "You're not my soul mate."

That caught the Winchester off guard. He tries to act natural as he said, "What makes you so sure about that?"

"The heartbeat in my head…" she started, her fingers slowly tracing up his jaw, "Its calm. And yours… it's going wild."

Dean smiles, "Anyone's heart would race at the sight of you." He said smoothly.

Sarah/Sidney giggled, "Thanks, but, you know this isn't okay. Running around like this... Your soul mate must be going crazy, trying to figure out why your heart is always pounding." She took a slight step back to look into Dean's eyes. "They must be worried."

Dean licked his lips, trying to not think about the lack of heartbeat on his end. The music plays just a soothingly as always. "I think they'll be fine."

"That's inconsiderate." Sarah/Sidney said, frowning slightly.

"That's life." Dean replied quickly. "I can't waste my time, waiting for someone who I may never meet."

Sarah/Sidney looked at him with something close to pity, "Oh, Dean. You'll meet them. And when you finally see them for the first time, both of your hearts will beat as one, and sparks will fly and it'll be everything you've ever imagined."

Dean snorted at that, "Or, we'll skip class and go make out in a locker room and _talk about our feelings_." He said the last part like it was the most ridiculous thing in the world.

Sarah/Sidney swatted at him playfully, "Knowing your track record, that's probably how it'll happen."

Dean kissed her so they could just stop this conversation already.

* * *

Sam always heard a heartbeat. It was just his own.

He followed John and Dean in the quiet woods. John heard a noise deeper in the forest. He turned and glanced at his sons. John nodded to Sam and said, "Wait here." With a stern look at Dean he cocked and head towards the possible direction of the demon. "C'mon, this way."

Dean hesitated, a knowing fear flashing in his eyes. The older brother bit his lip as he looked over at Sam.

"Dean!" John hissed. Dean ducked his head and followed his father without a word.

As the two stalked further and further into the brush, Sam gripped his gun tighter. He should be fine. It's just a demon. They can capture it and exorcize it easily. He's not in danger. He's good. He's okay. His dad is here. Dean's here. They won't let him get hurt.

The thundering of his heart in his ears said differently.

For a brief moment, Sam thinks worriedly that his soul mate must have an excruciating headache and when – _if_ he dies tonight, the silence will be deafening in comparison.

Sam thinks about those kinds of things. Whenever his heart rate soars, he hopes his soul mate isn't worried about him. Sometimes he actually apologizes, even though he knows they can't hear him.

The music Sam hears sooths him a little bit. Its fast beat melds slowly into a more soft and relaxing melody. Sam takes long breaths and focuses on the music. A twig snaps behind him and, on reflex, he turns and points his gun at the sound.

He holds that stance for a moment, his heartbeat and the song overwhelming his other senses: human's fatal flaw.

Sam's reaction time was slowed, but he still shot when it lunged at him.

Thankfully, his father and Dean weren't far away. They heard the gunshot, the scream, the fight. When they burst through the bushes, Dean screaming Sam's name, the demon took one look at them and fled its meatsuit. The body dropped to the ground, the knife the demon was holding landed next to it.

As Sam's heart beat slowed, the music returned to its original fast beat. Sam took comfort in realizing that the calming melody was probably directed towards him. This musical soul mate was trying to make him feel better.

The thought makes his heart skip a beat.

* * *

Dean was walking down one of those hundreds of stupid high schools his dad made him and Sam go to. It was passing period, so everyone was rushing to their class.

That is, until a girl suddenly stopped in the middle of the hall and dropped her books. Dean almost walked past her, if it wasn't for how out-of-it she looked. She was muttering to herself, words Dean couldn't hear. But her lips seemed to be saying, _'No, no, no.'_ over and over.

The young hunter was about to investigate; after all, she looked down right possessed, and it wouldn't be the first time something unnatural happened inside a high school. But as Dean got closer, he saw the tears in her eyes. Everyone around her noticed too.

One of her friends, rushed to her, "Ryanne, what's wrong?"

The girl just crumbled into her friend's arms, tears openly ran down her face as nothing could hold them back. She sobbed loudly, "It's gone! It's gone!"

"What's gone?" The friend was worried, but trying to stay calm.

Ryanne looked up into her friend's eyes, "The heartbeat stopped." She choked out, "I can't hear him anymore."

The hallway was completely stopped now; everyone bowed their heads, eyes downcast as they realized what had happened.

Dean watched in mixed horror and amazement as everyone in the room paid respects to her. Some people prayed. Some held their hands close to their heartbeat, obviously concentrating on their own connection.

"Poor girl." Someone behind Dean muttered, "She'll be alone forever now."

The bell was about to ring, and everyone left the girl and her small crowd of friends. Dean stared at them, unsure of how to feel. People die all the time. It shouldn't be that be that big of a deal if a total stranger, someone you've never met before, dies on a Tuesday morning. But this girl looked physically pained by this discovery. A small, selfish part of Dean was glad he'd never have to feel that pain.

The hunter felt a wave of uncertainty concerning his own future. This girl was so distraught over the absence of a heartbeat. Should he care that there never was one to begin with?

* * *

Sam glared at Dean as he sat on Sam's bed, eating barbeque wings and making a mess that Sam will refuse to clean up. Sam's irritated; not _just_ because his brother was being a colossal douche, but also because he had the world's biggest head ache. The music that's usually in the back of his mind has been blaring loudly ever since they came to this town.

At first, Sam was concerned. He still had hope that this music he heard was somehow connected to his soul mate. He still had hope that he even had a soul mate.

After Jess, he wasn't sure he'd ever find anyone. He thought Jess was the answer. She seemed so perfect. So what if Sam didn't hear her heartbeat. She didn't care. She loved him and he loved her and after he was done with college, he was going to ask her to marry him.

But Sam's never really had much luck with women.

Now, sitting at a table, going through piles of books, looking for anything, _anything_ , that might help them with this case, Sam's at his wit's end. It didn't help that Dean was practically moaning as he ate, and the radio was turned obnoxiously high.

There was too much, Sam couldn't think.

He flipped the pages of his book uselessly before glaring at Dean, "Can you turn that down?" He said gesturing to the radio, "Please?"

"Yeah, absolutely." Dean said, looking up at him. Without breaking eye contact, he turned the radio up louder.

Sam tried hard to ignore the way the music in the back of his mind increased in volume, as if it was trying to drown out the other song.

Sam and Dean were yelling at each other, just adding to the cacophony inside Sam's head. It all went silent as someone knocked on the door.

Sam almost sighed in relief as he let Bobby in; even the song in his mind quieted a bit.

As Sam and Dean started retelling the story of their case and why they were so stumped to the old hunter, the music softened, almost silent, as if it was listening along.

* * *

Sam excused himself from the college kids and weaved through the bar to find his brother. Dean was throwing back drinks he referred to as 'purple nurples' and letting some girl hang over him.

Dean turned from the girl to Sam and said, quiet drunkenly, "And guess what? She's got a sister."

Before Sam had even a second to entertain the thought, the music in his mind rose loudly, gaining his attention. He couldn't ignore the intense demanding of the song. The decision was made for him, it seems.

Sam left the part about the song out of the story. He was about to continue, but Dean interrupted.

* * *

Dean made out like the sound of the song in his mind, slowly and passionately. The _very class college student_ and he were having a great time. She never once asked about his heartbeat and he never told her. It was great; one of the best bar hookups in a while.

Bar hookups aren't as fun as they _should_ be, because everyone has that gleaming hope that the person they find at a bar who's charming and funny and looks a lot hotter once there's a few shots inside you both, will be their soul mate.

Every. Single. Time.

Things are going great for Dean, and then the other person asks if he can hear their heartbeat. And Dean has to say no.

Usually the girls stop. They leave in a huff and head off to try to find someone who does hear their heart. Sometimes their genuinely offended, like Dean _has_ to know what their heart sounds like; like it's an insult if he doesn't. Sometimes the girls shrug and carry on. But they do so with much less passion and, damn, if Dean doesn't miss that.

But this girl -who Dean doesn't know the name of- doesn't ask him anything about hearts or soul mates. She just stares at him like he's the greatest thing in existence.

"You'll have to tell me about this urban legend." He said smoothly, "And please, lives are at stake."

"Sorry." She said distractedly, "It's like looking into the sun." She said as she pulled him into a kiss. Dean had to ignore the way the music fell dejectedly. He focused on kissing the girl, because she would probably pull away soon and realize Dean couldn't hear her heart.

Unluckily for her, she didn't get the chance, as Sam walked up and said bitchily, "Dean. What are you doing?"

The music in his head praised Sam a bit. Dean ignored that, too."

* * *

The brothers will eventually finish this story. Hopefully.

Sam assured Bobby that Dean and him were fighting because of being on the road too much and promised that there's nothing to worry about. Bobby looked skeptical.

The hunter prompted for Sam to continue, so he carried on. "Anyway, we thought it was probably a haunting, so we went to the scene of the crime."

* * *

When Sam first locked eyes with the janitor, the song in his mind stuttered. For just a second, it sounded like it stopped. For a split moment, Sam's head was silent. The discovery was shockening, but before Sam could really think much about it, the janitor smiled and the song continued softly.

Trying to clear his thoughts, Sam started conversationally, "So, how long you been working here?"

"I've been mopping this floor for six years." The janitor replied.

As they carried on their conversation about the dead professor and the missing girl, Sam couldn't help but notice the twinkle in the shorter man's eyes and how it fit so perfectly with the rhythm of Sam's song.

* * *

"You got a Trickster on your hands." Bobby said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Easy for him to say. His computer wasn't frozen on Busty Asian Beauty's homepage.

 _Trickster._ Sam thinks, after a moment of silence. A word for the monster.

The music in the back of his mind swirls happily at the thought. Sam ignores it as Bobby explains the demi-god.

"Bobby, what do these things look like?" Dean asked.

"Human, mostly."

Dean turned to Sam, "And what human do we know that's been at ground zero this entire time?"

The cute little janitor that made Sam's song pause.

They didn't end up finding anything on the guy, except that he read the newspapers that accounted all the incidents. Part of it might have be that he was still mad at Dean, part of it could be that it's the right thing to do, and part of it might be that the song in Sam's mind was calming and sweet when we was near the janitor, but Sam was arguing with Dean about why he shouldn't just barge in and steak the man.

* * *

Gabriel –oh, wait, sorry, The Trickster, laughed when the man with a chainsaw appeared behind Sam. He felt the other man's heart leap to life as Sam stumbled away from him.

These humans were fun to watch and easy to trick.

He smiled as Dean fell before him. "Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean…" He stood up, dusting his hands off, "I did not want to do this."

Of course The Trickster saw it coming when Dean stabbed him with the blood covered steak. Gabe pulled off one of his best tricks yet as he stared at Dean with surprise and pain. When he slumped over into the chair, he focused on making himself appear dead to the hunters.

And, damn. Did it work.

* * *

Sam's not so sure it worked. It just felt too easy. He wanted to say something about it, but Bobby was pushing him out the door, after Dean before he could mention it.

As he climbed into the Impala after his brother, he looked back at the college, and paused.

The music was still playing peacefully in his mind.

Sam wasn't sure if it was wishful hoping, or some kind of crazy wish that maybe, maybe he would know something about Sam. About that song.

Eventually he let the thought go and lost track of the never-ending music.

* * *

Dean hasn't done many things right.

Sure, he's saved people, hunted things, the family business and all that. But when it comes to being with girls, Dean never really worked things out right. It always came back to heartbeats.

Cassie was the first one. Dean was sure he loved her. He knew he loved her. But she couldn't get over the fact that he didn't hear her heartbeat. He had to let her go.

Then there was Lisa. She was just another one-night stand. Another girl who asked about his heartbeat. But when he told her they didn't match, she smiled at him softly and told him that was alright, but Dean knew he couldn't stay with her. One day she'll find her soul mate. And she'd choose him over Dean.

When he met Lisa again, she had a son and still wasn't with a soul mate. Ben was just like Dean in all the right ways. One way he was different was how he actually heard a heart beat. He told Dean about it one day at a park.

"I think they get worried a lot. Their heart always loud. And thumpin'." Ben said as he swung his legs.

Dean just nodded along and pretended like he knew what that sounded like.

* * *

"Don't lie to me! I know what you are! We've killed one of your kind before!"

And then the old man's face warped, completely changing who he was. The grey hair grew and brightened to a light brown. The wrinkles faded into young skin. Before him wasn't an old man from a diner who always got maple syrup.

Before him was The Trickster.

Not just a trickster. But The Trickster. The short one that was a janitor at a college and made Sam's song dip in ways it shouldn't. The one that Dean stabbed.

"Actually, bucko, you didn't."

And, yeah, part of Gabe's smug grin was the fact that he heard Sam's heart stop at the sight of him.

* * *

Gabe was selfish. He knew this. He accepted it.

When Gabe tried to convince Sam to not to sacrifice himself in that stupid Winchester way, in an attempt to save Dean, he was really begging the tall man to not die.

There's no way Sam would be able to hear the silent, _'Please don't die. I couldn't stand the silence. Please, I love the sound of your heart.'_

And of course Sam didn't hear that. He wouldn't have. Couldn't have.

"I'm over it." The Trickster said.

_I'm over fearing it'll go silent._

_I'm over waiting for the heartbeat to stop._

_I'm over preparing for your death._

"What does that mean?" Sam asked, hysterically.

The Trickster smiled at him, "That's for me to know and you to find out." He snapped his fingers, and Sam was back in that hotel room.

* * *

The first thing Dean heard when he dragged himself out of his grave was that amazing song; that brilliant, beautiful melody.

After months, which felt like years, of screaming, torturous screaming, that soft tune was the most amazing thing in the world.

Dean packed a bag full of food and water. He was hoping that it would be enough to get him out of this desecrate town and into some real civilization. As he was grabbing money from the cash register, the music picked up.

He didn't notice the song anymore, though, because his ears were ringing with the intensity of… of something. It sounded like screeching, like horrific shouting. The windows broke with the noise and the entire building shook. The only things keeping Dean from bolting was the fact that he didn't know where this thing was, and the song was playing soft and slow, trying to keep him calm.

When the screeching and shaking stopped, the song played sweetly and Dean caught his breath as he snuck out to the phone booth to call Bobby.

It happened again at the motel. Dean woke with a start as the tv started flashing and the radio went haywire. He still had no idea what he was up against. But the noise was the worst thing he'd ever heard. And yet, seconds after it started up, the music just rose louder as well, trying to block out the harshness. Dean clung to the song like it was his lifeline. Never before then had he ever saw that song as a good thing. But now, it was the only thing keeping him grounded.

* * *

When Sam was with Ruby, the song in his mind was choppy and muffled. Like his soul mate, or whatever was singing to him constantly, was trying to hold back the noise. Like they were disappointed in him.

The thought made Sam's heart sink. Which made the song almost hesitate, rising soothingly before shutting down again, trying to comfort while at the same time being mad. It made no sense at all to Sam. He knew that people "felt" what their soul mate feels biased on interpreting their heartbeats. But this, this was different. It's always been different.

Sam tried to ignore it.

But its hard to ignore the tune stuck in your head.

* * *

The barn was shaking so hard, Dean was surprised the roof didn't fly off. The lights hanging from said roof swung dangerously. Dean focused on what was happening around him and _not_ on the song playing excitedly in the back of his head.

He snapped out of thinking about how nice that sounded when the light bulbs burst around him. Bobby and Dean looked up just in time to see the barn doors open slowly and a man with bright blue eyes and a trench coat walk in dramatically.

' _So.'_ Dean thought. _'This is Castiel.'_

The song swooped up as Dean's eyes met Castiel's.

As Castiel walked closer, the music grew louder.

The man walked right past every single trap Bobby had painted. When he passed a light it exploded into a shower of sparks.

Dean and Bobby shot him, and he looked as if nothing had happened. The music didn't pause either. Everything was happening at once around Dean and he didn't know what to do. He looked a Bobby who was just as shaken. Dean picked up the knife they had laid out on the table.

Castiel was close to him now. He looked curiously at Dean, and the music swirled inside his head.

"Who are you?" Dean asked, stepping back slightly.

"I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition." He replied, and holy hell if that voice wasn't silk to Dean's ears, he didn't know what was. Well, the song in his head was, but that voice might just take the song's place as Dean's favorite noise.

"Yeah." Dean said. "Thanks for that."

The man nodded, ever so slightly. Dean lunged forward and stabbed the man. He didn't blink as he pulled the knife out of his chest and dropped it. Castiel turned and knocked Bobby out by touching his forehead. The hunter had never seen something do that before.

Dean's heart was pounding in fear and the song dropped quickly to something much more serious as Castiel said, "We need to talk, Dean. Alone."

Castiel squinted his eyes as he heard the man's heart skip a beat.

His mission, heaven's plan, might be in danger if Cas has to spend much time with this man. Up in heaven, the heartbeat was quieter, further away. No other angel had heard of an angel hearing heartbeats before. That was a human thing. God never intended for angels to have soul mates. So Cas never mentioned it to anyone. But standing this close to this, Dean Winchester, it made the constant _bu-dum-bu-dum-bu-dum_ Castiel's main focus.

He wondered briefly if Dean heard him. Or, rather, what he heard.

Angel's don't have hearts. If Dean was really his… soul mate, then what would the Winchester hear? Nothing?

The thought worried Cas.

* * *

Gabe is selfish. He knows this. But this time, he won't accept it.

He comes back when he should have ran. Gabe hands Dean the Casa Erotica dvd and pulls out his angel blade.

He doesn't fight Luci to save Kali, although, yeah, she doesn't deserve to die and Gabe still cares about her. He holds out his blade, a bit awkwardly because he'd never needed it as The Trickster and he's a little out of practice, and stands in front of Lucifer, making sure the Winchesters and Kali get out safely.

"Over a girl?" Lucifer asks incredulously.

_You'll fight me over a girl?_

They've fought for less.

But no, Kali isn't why Gabe stands up to his big brother.

"Actually, over a moose." Gabe said. He held up his blade threateningly, "You can't have him Lucifer."

"You think you can stop me?" Lucifer didn't look concerned at all.

Gabe tried another tactic, "Lucifer, you're my brother and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks."

"What did you just say to me?" Lucifer said, stepping forward. Gabe realized in this moment that he has no plan whatsoever. Being selfless is really hard. Sam better be worth this.

A part of him was staling, making sure the Winchesters got far enough away.

"If this is for Michael-"

"Screw him! If he were here, I'd shoot him in the ass too!"

"You disloyal…"

"Oh, I'm loyal." Gabe said. His eyebrows rose in… pride? "Loyal to them."

"Who?" His brother asked, genuinely, "These so-called…gods?"  
Gabe had to stop himself from rolling his eyes, "To the Winchesters. To Sam. To Dean. To people, Lucifer."

Lucifer's brows twitch in confusion. "You're willing to die for a pile of coach roaches. Why?"

"Dad was right. They're better than us."

"They're imperfect!"

"Damn right they are." Gabe licked his lips and listened to Sam's heartbeat. "You haven't heard it, Luci. They never do anything halfway. If they make a mistake, it hangs in their hearts for days. If they're happy, it feels so light and so free they might as well be flying. They care with all they have. Their hearts are so expressive in such a power that even our Grace can't compare. Lucifer, if you could just _hear_ them."

Lucifer listened, his eyes glaring into Gabe's incessantly. Gabe continues, swaying side to side in nervousness, "I'm in the fight now. And I'm not on your side, or Michaels. I'm on theirs."

"Brother don't make me do this." Lucifer whispers painfully. "I know where your heart really lays."

The smaller archangel knew what Lucifer was saying. Gabe and Lucifer used to be very close; Gabe looked up to Lucifer. It was no secrete that Luci was Gabe's favorite and vise versa.

That wasn't the case anymore.

Gabe didn't have time to react as Lucifer saw through his trick. He turned and stabbed Gabe with his own blade. The archangels' last thought hung in the darkness of his vessel's mind.

_My heart lays with Sam._

* * *

Sam and Dean were miles down the road when Sam's hands suddenly grab his ears. He tried to hold back a scream as he pushed against his seat, trying to escape this torture somehow.

"What what what what?!" Dean asked, trying to look at both Sam and the road. "What's wrong? Sam? Sam!"

Sam grunted as he twisted painfully in the seat, his seat belt pushed against his chest, constricting him. "It's-" Sam gasped painfully, his eyes wide.

"It's what, Sam? It's what?" Dean demanded.

When Sam looked at him, his eyes were brimming with tears that threatened to escape him, "It's silent, Dean."

Dean understood instantly. Kali watched from the back seat as Dean lowered his eyes, no longer caring about the road. "Oh." He said quietly, silently relishing in his own song playing in the back of his mind. Cas was safe. But Sam… That means Gabe is…

Sam groaned, his entire being aching for that song to return to him, wishing that there was no such thing as quiet.

Dean turned on the radio, in hopes that Sam could concentrate on that instead of the nothingness in his mind.

A small part of Dean's mind thought softly, quietly, _'Please, Sam. Please don't end up like Dad was.'_ He knows his plea went unheard.

* * *

The heartbeat-slash-music thing was never much of a problem between Dean and Cas. They never spoke of it, but they didn't exactly ignore it either. If Dean's heart was panicked and intense, Cas would appear to help him; whether Dean prayed for him or not.

And if Cas's song was thick with sadness, Dean would send him a short, quiet prayer of good luck.

They never let their connection define them. Other humans were constantly talking about their heartbeats or their soul mates. Dean and Cas never mentioned it to anyone. It wasn't a public part of them.

When confronted about it, Cas called it a "profound bond". Dean told anyone who asked about it (i.e. Sam) to shut up.

They fell together slowly, enjoying the time they had with each other. Neither had to say anything they didn't want to; the other would be able to feel it through their connection.

It was a personal kind of love. One that was shared between long looks and subtle touches.

Cas was delighted to discover that Dean's heart was happiest when he was around Cas.

Dean was proud when he noticed that Cas's song was the most up-beat when Dean smiled at him.

What they had was pure and strong.

* * *

Sam's life was muted after that day with Lucifer.

He found that he would listen to his ipod more and more often, in hopes that it might drown out the silence.

Dean tried to hook him up with girls, and a few guys, but it wasn't the same.

One day, Sam found himself at a heartbeat councilor. The woman in the black pencil skirt with the read hair pulled into a bun and sharp black glasses was nice enough. Sam was able to explain his situation –the dead soul mate part, not the song part. And she helped him through it a bit.

"The worst part," Sam said one day, as he laid on his back and stared at the ceiling, "is that I hardly got to know him yet. I had only just met him. Kinda. And there was so much I wanted to learn about him."

She gave him a soft smile, "You can have faith that you'll be able to spend all eternity with him in heaven."

Sam tried to not take it personally. The woman was trying her best. But Sam was sure he wasn't going to heaven. And even if he did, Gabe wouldn't be there. Sam didn't want to think about what happened to angels after they die.

"I just miss him so much." He said quietly.

* * *

The hotel room was dead silent at three in the morning. The only noise came from when Dean shifted in his sleep. Sam paced back and forth across the room, trying to stay quiet, while also trying to make noise.

Because noise was the opposite of his world. Noise made sense. Noise was comforting. Noise was good. Noise was Gabe.

Humming to himself was simultaneously too loud and too quiet. He was nervous of waking Dean; he didn't need that 'you need sleep' and 'are you okay?' speech.

Sam put in his headphones and turned his ipod up as high as he dared. The music rolled over him and he began pacing again.

It wasn't good.

But it was good enough.

* * *

Dean was driving while Sam was reading over the case to him again. "It sounds like Vamps to me."

"But what kind of Vamp hunts the blind? Isn't that a little immoral for them? Don't they take pride in being the most 'human' of the monsters?" Dean asked, his eyes shifting to Sam to catch his expression.

Sam shrugged, thinking through what it could be.

Suddenly, the younger Winchester screamed and dropped the papers everywhere. Dean swerved the Impala in surprise; thankfully they were alone on a country road. "What the hell, Sam?!"

Sam stared unblinkingly at the blank space before them on the road. His mouth hung open slightly; his eyes were wide with hope and disbelief.

"Sam, what's up?" Dean asked, leaning over to get Sam's attention. "Hey!"

His brother turned to look at him slowly; his eyes were distant as he said in a near-silent voice, "I can hear his music."

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think!  
> Come chill with me on [tumblr](https://esompthinfics.tumblr.com/)


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